


Do Time Lords Kiss?

by TheStrangeSeaWolf



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: #LetThirteenKissWomen, Almost Kiss, F/F, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Kissing, Loss, Love, Mutual Pining, Past Lives, Trauma, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 09:15:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29997171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStrangeSeaWolf/pseuds/TheStrangeSeaWolf
Summary: After reading yesterday's discourse on twitter about if it is homophobic that Thirteen doesn't kiss women, I felt compelled to add a story why I personally think she doesn't. She has reasons that are deeply rooted in her past.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Do Time Lords Kiss?

**Author's Note:**

> In the big picture I think in this specific situation it is good that it doesn't happen on screen. While there are a lot of stories on TV I feel need more diverse couples and especially happy same-sex couples (no, killing off the character shortly after he finally confessed he is in love with his partner is NOT a happy ending!), I feel different about Doctor Who. Personally, I think we should leave their romantic side to fanfiction - not for the show in general, but specifically for the character of the Doctor on screen. That way, everybody, no matter if allosexual, asexual and/or aromantic can enjoy the show while it is up to us, the fic writers, to fill in the romantic gaps. The Doctor is a Time Lord after all, our guesses are as good as anybody's.

“Can I ask you a question?”

The Doctor sighed at the interruption but as soon as she lifted her eyes from her experiment, she couldn't help smiling at the beautiful, curious brown eyes of her companion.

Yaz.

What a beautiful name.

What a beautiful human being.

What a curious human being.

What an intelligent human being.

She might be young at age, but already wiser than most of her fellow specimen.

So, this question was a bit dumb for her standards.

“Sure you can, Yaz. You know that you are capable of speaking, so, of course you can ask me a question. You do that all the time, if you haven't noticed.”

“That's not what I meant... I meant, am I allowed to interrupt whatever you are doing...”

“Sequencing Sycorax DNA to see if there is an overlap with Dreg DNA. I do have the theory that... oh, you didn't want to know what I'm working on, right? Stupid me. I always forget how complicated human communication is. Your language seems so simple but getting the meaning isn't always that easy. Always had that problem with your species. But also, makes you interesting. And endearing. Oh. I'm babbling again, right?”

Yaz nodded.

Yes.

She had been better at this communicating thing. But she also had been worse at it. She just needed to focus.

Human.

Question.

Wanting something to know.

“What do you want to know, Yaz?”

“It is fairly personal.”

“Fine. You don't have to tell me, then, you know? I have learned that humans sometimes don't want to talk about personal things.”

“No, I want to ask you a personal question and want to make sure if it is okay if I do.”

Oh.

Well.

She suddenly felt uncomfortable. She didn't like to talk about personal matters. Never had. Not even when she was somehow less socially awkward than in this incarnation.

Well, Yaz could ask and she could still not answer the question. Trailing off to some story about how she met Napoleon like she would have done when Jo asked such things. Or do a snarky remark like she had done when Martha or Donna tried to get behind her facade.

“Well, go ahead, just ask, Yaz.”

“Do Time Lords kiss?”

The Doctor froze at the remark, analyzing the possible implications. Was this a general question about Time Lords or was it one of those complicated human questions that were a question but at the same time implied that you should do what the question was about. Like... when they asked “Do you dance, Doctor?” and you look at your feet and can confirm that you are not dancing but what they really wanted to ask was if you wanted to dance with them.

Was that one of those questions?

She looked at Yaz's lips.

Did Yaz want her to kiss her?

No. That couldn't be it.

That would be... simply impossible.

Not that she hadn't thought about that.

But if she had learned one thing in her long life it was that it was always, always a terrible mistake to become what humans called “romantically involved” with them.

Even worse if she fell in love with them.

They were so fragile.

And they died terrible deaths if she did.

And it hurt.

It hurt so bad that she was out of her head with grief.

And she did stupid things when that happened.

Burning suns just to get a last message across.

Retreating from the universe, refusing to do her duty as the Doctor.

Punching walls for a ridiculous amount of time.

Killing people.

And she wasn't able to open her hearts again after they died for a very long time. Much longer than any human could imagine. It was the advantage of having a time machine. She could retreat for billions of years to the end of the universe and still come back and resume her duty afterwards.

But her hearts, her hearts stayed broken even after so many years.

She had seen it happening.

It still grieved her that she hadn't treated Martha better.

But that had been because her hearts had been still broken.

It wouldn't be fair to whoever came after Yaz.

She wouldn't allow that to happen ever again.

She had learned that it was okay to make mistakes.

But it was not okay to repeat them.

She looked at Yaz's lips a little while longer.

Then she looked into her eyes.

“Yes, Yaz. Time Lords do kiss. But we shouldn't.”

She hoped that this was a sufficient answer, trying to get back to her experiment, but could have guessed that it wasn't sufficient for Yaz's brilliant, investigative mind.

“Why shouldn't you?”

Yaz had taken a step towards her and she felt her gently touching her hands, taking them into hers.

“Because it wouldn't be fair, Yaz.”

“Fair, Doctor? Why wouldn't it be fair? There is nothing wrong with two people kissing each other? Or do... Time Lords not kiss humans? Is this some superior and inferior species thing? Or is it about gender?”

The Doctor had to laugh at that implication involuntarily.

“Gender? Please! We Time Lords are billions of years beyond your petty human obsession with gender and its associated stereotypes. I have been a man kissing men, a man kissing women, probably I have even been a woman kissing men and women before, but have since forgotten about it! And I probably kissed a few species who didn't even have anything that justified using the term 'gender'. I'm probably a bit like Jack Harkness, with the exception that I usually just kiss someone I'm in love with. And I can assure you that I have stopped using the term superior Time Lord biology billions of years ago. Well, two weeks ago, but that was in another context that doesn't matter here.“

“So...”

Yaz now seemed a bit insecure and cleared her throat before asking the next question. She felt Yaz's hands become a bit sweaty in her hands.

“That happens? That Time Lords fall in love with humans? With their companions, even?”

Her hearts clenched. She had told Yaz that one of her hearts was happy and the other was sad, but she hadn't told her the reason was that they were both capable of loving another being in a way that exceeded the imagination of a simple human mind.

And so, both her hearts, they clenched.

With love.

And sadness.

And a happiness that wasn't allowed to be.

Because it was the happiness that would lead to more sadness.

And more grief.

And more death.

She couldn't allow that to happen.

Before she had realized it, she had cupped Yaz's cheek.

The cloister bell rang and all the incarnations inside screamed she shouldn't do it.

“It happens, Yaz. It happens. But as I said: it wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't be fair to the universe.”

The TARDIS beeped an emergency call, and she was suddenly very thankful for it because she was so close to making the same mistake again, no matter what experience told her.

She spun around and grabbed the monitor where the TARDIS showed her all the details and the coordinates of the emergency.

“It wouldn't be fair to the universe, it wouldn't be fair to you, and it wouldn't be fair to whoever comes after you, Yasmin Khan, _my Yaz.”_

__

__

She mumbled in Gallifreyan as she entered the new coordinates, hoping the TARDIS would be wise enough not to translate it.

“Doctor? I didn't get that?”

“Off to save the universe, Yaz!”

She replied, pulling the lever, sending a mental _thank you_ to the TARDIS. 

_No matter how this will pan out, you can rely on me always having your back, Doctor!_

Her oldest, wisest, and most persistent companion hummed back.

**Author's Note:**

> It's a bit funny that as a firm whouffaldi writer my 50th fic on AO3 is thasmin, but, hey, why not?
> 
> BTW I'm aware that this is pretty close to ["Never a hug"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24965146) but I think their relationship has deepened in the meantime.


End file.
